February 08, 2001
Long time, no writey.
Hi
everyone. I know it's been a long time since I've written; however, I am
planning to make updates to this journal regularly. The main reason I write
today is to release a lot of frustration I have going on right now and to
get it all out of my head an onto "virtual" paper.
It has been one of those weeks, where SO many things have happened, that
on Thursday a co-worker called me back and I told him I didn't need to talk
to him anymore because that was a long time ago, and he reminded me that
the message was on Tuesday.
Here's a lowdown of my week: Wheee!!!
- Sunday - I completed the 5th weekend of my Landmark Wisdom course and
saw that I was not being honest with myself or with my girlfriend, Terri.
I talked to her with the intent on cleaning that up and seeing where we could
go from there. However, the said conversation ended up with us breaking
up. Many tears later, I was back on the road to Dallas, doing the best I
could not to indulge in the "If only I had..." conversation. - Monday - For the past 3 weeks, I have been in an intensive fight
with my computer to get it upgraded. So far, I have gone through 3 different
AMD processors, 3 different "compatable" motherboards, 2 cases, and 3 hardware
providers. This was all because Fry's
(read: Satan) refused to take back my returns, because a fan which I purchased
from them, fried (appropriate, eh?) my CPU. I even talked to the store manager,
who wouldn't budge. I then tried my luck again and amazingly enough, they
took back EVERYTHING, including the fried CPU. I walked out of there feeling
like a completely serviced customer. - Tuesday - I woke up that morning to see something I've only seen
about 3 times in my life: Snow. I was so amazed, I went out and took pictures of my house and some of the surrounding areas.
I then went to Landmark center where I was going to be a major part of an
introduction going on that night and I was lit up; however, out of the 8
people, noone registered. I was sad; however, I got to see why I participate
at Landmark...because in an instant, your view of life, the universe and
everything can shift, which opens up new ways of viewing and interpreting
the circumstances which present themselves. (i.e. I have been beating myself
up for the breakup with Terri, because I know how wonderful of a person she
is. Amazing, beautiful, caring, genuine. How could I not want to be with
someone like that? And I saw that the relationship wasn't "IT" and was just
the next step I take towards finding "IT." (More on my theory of "IT" later.))
- Wednesday - Usually the day that I go swing dancing at Sons of Hermann Hall;
however, that didn't happen, because when I went to Microcenter to return
two of the processors I purchased from them, I found out that they would
not take them back. I was ready to start tossing fists. It was one of those
moments were everything I had been supressing came up and I had to stop myself
a few times and tell the person I was talking to that it's been a rough week
to keep from busting into tears and going postal on them. I called my roommate
and ranted and raved all the way back home to keep from driving my car into
the store. Thankfully, it began to look up after my amazing, omnipotent
friend Lee got my computer
up and running. Yeah babye! Bad news: My computer typcially crashes when
downloading from the internet and my cable modem's out. ETA: next Tuesday.
Grrrr... - Thursday - This was the least eventful of the days. So far, my
"upgrade" has cost me ~$1500. And on top of that, I'm thinking about getting
a laptop for convenience. This would also further my goal to being a writer.
(Inspiration strikes me at the least convenient of places.) That added to
a wireless Ethernet router, and a new Linux box, would make me mighty! Mighty
Tommy! Mighty Tommy!...who still has a lot of work to do on relationships.
:) - Friday - I started off today by getting very overwhelmed by everything which
happened this week. I then found my peace and sanity in two things:
- An online journal written by "Pfunk", an aspiring comic book writer, that is involved in one of my favorite online comics, Pffft.
I have never met this person, nor have I even talked to her; however, Thank
you, nameless soul. Your writing has granted me ease, and got me back in
touch with my journalistic soul. - A conversation with a friend of mine, Steve Racz, who's generosity
simply amazes me. Steve was one of the people laid off by the many rounds
of Nortel cuts. After being laid off, he joined a cross-country bike ride
while also maintaining a group designed to support ex-Nortel employees to
find jobs called HireTopTalent.
Today, Steve and I were talking about relationships, life and the usual.
After sharing with him where I was with life, Terri, and the universe, he
said something very profound, "Be yourself. And those that need to be in
your life will be attracted to you. And those that don't need to be in your
life will be repelled by you." It makes so much sense and gives me so much
freedom. And it doesn't even necessarily apply to romantic relationships...but
everything. If only computers were that simple. :)
What I've realized about all this is that I'm starting to get a bigger
sense of what I'm up to in my life. I'm looking to do something big. Something
biggger than what I can do by myself. I want to impact this world...this
place we all live and dwell on. And I want my future partner to be a part
of this. And I want this future partner to be someone I grow and develop
with. I am easily distracted and am looking for someone to bring me back
to my goals and desires. It might be a while till I find that person. Hell,
it may never happen. And that's ok...because I know that God and the Universe
are on my side.
Thanks for everything, people. You make this world worth living.
P.S. The interesting thing about the two people who contributed to me
on Friday are both Canadian. Thus giving me more evidence that Canuks are
some of the coolest people around.
Posted by Tommy at February 8, 2001 06:07 PM
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