For the longest time, I waited for the world to change, so that I could be happier. I knew that I wasn’t happy where I was at, and my frustration was usually focused at external sources. I overcame that mountain and now people know me as “The guy that never not smiles.” What a great place to be.

But there was something lurking in the shadows, something that was later going to come back and bite me in the arse. That thing was the personal declaration of, “I’ve made it. I’ve gone through my growing pains. I get to be selfish now.” This ego driven mindset, had me take a number of things for granted. The biggest of which, was the pure love and devotion of one of the greatest ladies this world has ever produced. I lost that relationship, but I’m glad to have gained something even more important: The opprotunity to break my selfish cycle and reconnect with people again.

I’ve been asking myself and others how to do this, and what I’ve gathered for myself is that I’m going to find what I’m looking for through acceptance. Pure 100% “ain’t nothing wrong here” acceptance.
The good news is that there is nowhere else to look but towards myself.
The bad news is that there is nowhere else to look but towards myself.

On this quest to Know Myself and be the Best I Can Be ™, I’ve unexpectedly found someone who has already guided me towards being the person I want to be. I’m amazed at how much I’ve enjoyed the company of another person so late at night for so many nights in a row. I mean, aren’t 2AM phone conversations something you’re supposed to grow out of in college?

–Snoopykiss wants to grow up, but be a Toys R Us kid.

After discovering some recently upsetting news, I asked two friends for some advice and counseling. I went into the conversation with much anger, frustration and sadness. I left with a new life goal and inquiry for myself.

Beforehand, there was lots of questions and confusion which is what had this all hit home, but here’s how it went.
Me: “But I feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Aren’t all girls looking for daddy?”
Male friend: “You said it right there in the beginning.”
Me: “What?”
Male friend: “Aren’t all girls looking for daddy?”
Me to Female friend: “What does a woman want?”
Female friend: “A Man.”

It was at this point, I new that I had a new goal for myself in life. It all made sense. It all came together. Now, it is time for me to change.

And so, I’ve done some reflection. What the heck DOES it mean to be a man? I’ve realized all sorts of outside influences have already tried telling me what that involves (Real Men love Jesus. Real Men don’t talk about their feelings. Real Men let go on 5…ish Real Men choose Bic.), but none of them fit.

Here’s what I’ve come up with so far. “What does a real man want? A Woman.” And finally, I can see the ying/yang of it all. And a whole lot more of my past makes sense now.

I now look forward the future. What changes are ahead for me? What will my next relationship be like?

–Snoopykiss n’est pas ton papa.

After a 3-4 week Movie Night hiatus, we started the holiday season off right with Amityville last week and then Dawn of the Dead this week. This post is mostly about Dawn of the Dead, because it was a fine movie, and it also led to an extremely horrifying experience.

I was impressed with the movie because it wasted no time jumping right to the action. And then it didn’t let go. Thankfully, we waited to watch the movie until all of the Trick-o-Treaters who apparently drove in from other suburbs were done. (We ended up cutting the front porch light off so that they would leave us alone, but they were relentless.) But no plan of mine ever goes w/o a hitch, and my doorbell acted up again. It is known to go off on it’s own and then is left in this buzzing state. Half dead, half alive.

I pause the movie, go downstairs and then have the very sophmoric thought, “It would be awesome if I yelled out, ‘Ah! Zombie!’ to scare them…Nah, that would be too childish. I’m beyond that.”

I get to the bottom of the stairs, and then open the door. With my feet firmly planted on the ground and with every intention of just putting my arm outside to slap at the doorbell, I feel my weight shift forward and there in front of me, inches from my face is this dark figure, just a silouette.

Scared for my life, I jump back on the stairs and start screaming. Either it talked to me, or I somehow figured out who it was (Marie), but all I remember was cursing for about a minute straight.

Of course, everyone got a good laugh, including Mrree who had a very puzzled look on her face before explaining the situation.

–SnoopyKiss just wants to retreat into the safety of his own home and play GTA: SA for a few days.